why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize