we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
