A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
