My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
