Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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