Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
