Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
