i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
