I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
There was a lot of him and a little penis
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
