you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
