The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There r osticjed everywhere
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize