Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I need mimosas to revive my soul
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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