I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
