His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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