I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
