Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Where is the hickey?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
