Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
