I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
