i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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