very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she pinky promised me she was 18
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
