Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
