It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
being pregnant is like rehab
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
