:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize