my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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