im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize