You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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