walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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