whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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