You're completely useless in the revolution.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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