I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
