Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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