I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
