used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
only if we run a train.
done.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm having to shit out rocks
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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