woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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