My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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