don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
