I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize