explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize