i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
