Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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