There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
