So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
