Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
