Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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