words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
