i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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