Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
