Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
