Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
