Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
