i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
