Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
