I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
