I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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