My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
