I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
