I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
