im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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