um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
