He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
