It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
