he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
