The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
