yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
