you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
