Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
