you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Oh god it's open bar.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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