Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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