Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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