I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
