how can u be prego again
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
