Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
