We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
