on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
