we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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