remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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