Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
