so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
