It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
