After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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