just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
