I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Mom said you looked used
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
