Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
