theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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