I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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