I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
