i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
