i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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