i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
