Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize
