Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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