Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
