TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
