so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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