Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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