you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
