watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
