I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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