Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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