I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my being single is dangerous.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize