whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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