Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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