I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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