Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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