God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
