he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Pooping to opera.
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