my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
