I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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