I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
