who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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